Petra Byrant, 34, a UK actress from Margate in Kent who starred in films including For The Love of George and My Guardian Angel, talks openly about why lubricants are something she relies on for her own intimate wellbeing and tackling vaginal dryness and why every woman should openly use the and never feel ashamed.
Petra says
“Lubricants significantly improve vaginal health and comfort for most women so why is there still such a stigma attached to them?
Six months ago I strolled into Boots looking for a lubricant because I had been having a few sexual issues in my relationship. I had also recently gone on the contraceptive pill, which had caused some vaginal dryness as a side effect, which is quite common.
My boyfriend at the time had been suffering from intermittent erectile dysfunction due to stress and combined with my vaginal dryness from taking the pill, our sexual relationship was suffering.
This might come as a shock for many to hear me say this. But there was nothing actually wrong with me or my partner. We were just a normal busy couple going through a few very common sexual health issues that effect so many couples in long term relationships. It can be caused from everything from medical issues to stress or exhaustion, and we didn’t even have kids.
Its highly likely that couples with young children suffering from sleep deprivation, physical recovery from birth itself, jobs and the stress of responsibility of a new born baby will suffer from some degree of sexual dysfunction at some point. Stress, anxiety and lack of sleep drastically effects libido, genital health and physical arousal for both for men and women of all ages.
I have created a WA group of women to talk about sexual health and to share advice and recommendations. While my GP has been as helpful as she can be, many women in our WA group have relayed stories of trying to discuss such issues with their GP’s and being mostly met with awkward silences.
My boyfriend did his best to try and help our own situation and went out and bought a lubricant himself. It was awful. It was sticky and scented and the moment I used it, it felt uncomfortable and did the opposite of helping the situation.
So, I decided the choosing of a lubricant should logically be on me as it was my body receiving it. Which brings me back to the lubricant selection at my local chemist. I’m faced with either the choice of an array of exotically flavoured brightly packaged products that resemble more of a candy shop for teenagers than an adult sexual health aide, or a few very medical looking options that resemble something you would put on a problematic skin condition.
I don’t have a problem or a condition. I’m experiencing something that one in four women experience of all ages, which is vaginal dryness and it’s having a negative effect on my wellbeing and on my sexual relationship.
I’m not looking for anything medical not am I looking for anything kinky or experimental or fringe. I don’t want to use a product that appears to make a mockery out of sex. I don’t want a vagina that glows in the dark or smells like watermelon. I’m concerned about my vaginal health and about the effect it’s having on my relationship, so excuse me if I don’t find anything cherry flavoured as a helpful or plausible solution.
I want something non-scented, as natural as possible and which is beneficial to my vaginal health.
Unlike the massive array of beauty creams on offer which claim to anti age, nourish, rejuvenate and replenish facial or body skin, the lubricant selection is either clearly aimed more at men than women and tags the products to some kind of added sexual potency or staying power or the more medical ones that come across as ‘treatments’ for a problem.
There’s literally nothing that suits what I’m looking for. I’m a healthy woman on my 30’s who just wants an intimate lubricant that will make me feel slightly more comfortable and improve my vaginal health not only for having sex but when exercising or when wearing tight clothing while rushing about in my typically busy schedule.
Is this really such a big deal to ask for? Yet, talking about using lubricants brands most women as either sexually deviant or promiscuous or having some sort of ‘down there’ problems in a way that using a facial moisturiser or anti-ageing serum doesn’t.
I’m not promiscuous or sexually deviant and I don’t have any serious ‘down there’ problems. However, due to a few issues, I feel I do need something that makes both sex and my intimate skin feel more comfortable and that may help prevent any future problems that could develop as a result of vaginal dryness.
Why doesn’t vaginal skin care exist like any other form of skincare? Why are the majority of lubricants flavoured like sweets, scented like perfume and come in an arrange of bright colours?
Firstly, I am wondering what genius decided that I must want a lubricant in colour and smell that is literally the polar opposite to my natural lubricating fluids?
And secondly why would I want to have coloured, scented, petroleum or silicone-based substances inside me?
Its no wonder that women are suffering from frequent bacterial and yeast-based infections. It feels like the last thing most manufacturers of over-the-counter lubricants are thinking about is what effects their product will have on women’s vaginal health.
And then there’s the reaction of men to women who use lubricants. In my experience, if I reach for a lubricant before sex with a new partner, it tends to have a negative rather than positive effect. Men assume somehow that its about them, not that the lubricant is for my own comfort and vaginal wellbeing. They would not react the same way to me applying a beauty mask to my face or a moisturiser to my body, they see that as self-care. But reach for a lubricant and suddenly its an ego issue.
I have found that too often men either get insecure about lubricants, unless they buy them themselves, or see the fact that I own a lubricant as an indication that I must be sexually promiscuous.
The issue of women’s vaginal health or sexual pleasure and comfort is still such a taboo. The fact is in the UK one in four women a still avoid going for smear tests. There’s still some kind of shame attached to discussing and ultimately preventing vaginal health concerns. Research shows that most women going through post birth recovery or menopausal symptoms will not discuss their vaginal health concerns with their GP’s.
Surely along with creams for stretch marks or sore nipples, there should be products and advice for recovering vaginal health after birth. Yet many of my friends who have had kids say there is almost no advice or suitable products offered.
The very idea of anti-ageing or rejuvenating vaginal skin is still completely off limits in terms of everyday skincare. We all slather on antioxidants and vitamins daily to slow down the ageing process, with pages of magazines dedicated to every product under the sun to help hold back the ravages of time. Yet when it comes to doing the same for vaginal skin, which is arguably in more ardent need of these products than our faces, there’s a wall of silence.
As the vagina ages, the internal skin gets drier and thinner, making sex more uncomfortable, intimate chaffing from exercise and every day activities more common and as a result infection or discomfort more of a risk. Why would women not be using preventative and rejuvenating skin care for their vaginas as we do for everywhere else?
Most intimate ‘skincare’ products for women are washes and wipes aimed primarily at cleaning and scenting the area, both of which potentially cause more damage than good and gynaecologists advise against using such products. So why isn’t there any targeted skincare aimed at repairing and anti-aging vaginal skin?
During my research on this issue and in my quest to find a lubricant that met my needs having given up on the confusing selection at my local chemists, I recently came across a product which honestly made me almost let out a whoop of joy.
In2mate Lubricant claimed to be a lubricant for everyday use to help rejuvenate and repair vaginal skin as well as offer natural feeling lubrication. It’s over 99% natural, un-scented, made from plant-based ingredients and aside from lubricating, it includes a prebiotic suitable for repairing internal vaginal skin, antioxidants to rejuvenate vaginal skin and also helps re balance vaginal pH. There is also a intimate moisturiser and intimate wash in the range.
Unlike any other lubricant I’ve read about it, it didn’t just focus on lubrication but included vaginal rejuvenation as a means of improving vaginal comfort both during sex and in general.
Hallelujah!
From the first week of using the in2mate natural lubricant daily whether I was having sex or not things began to improve. My vaginal skin started to feel less fragile and healthier and the lubricating element felt natural and comfortable.
I felt so delighted with the results of this product that I wrote about it on my blog. For the record I wasn’t paid to write the post, it was my totally my choice. The only contact I have had with the company who makes the product is when they sincerely thanked me for my blog review.
I wrote about this product as I felt like my followers should know about it. I wrote my blog post about a month ago it’s the most viewed blog of all my blogs on sexual health, which just goes to show how much of a need there is for something like this.”